Domspeak Forums Discussions Lobby When Your Neighbors Know

Two years ago I built a dungeon in my basement. It is kick ass with a lounge area, bathroom and mini kitchen attached. There was a lot of hesitation but my wife and I started having parties. We kept it so cool. We didn't want word to get out. Last week I was on a job site and a dude asks me when he's getting invited to a party. I played dumb at first. Come to find out, the whole town knows. No one seems to fucking care. There is curiosity but no anger. My wife, who is a nurse, is nervous about it. She's even talked about moving. It is hard to look someone in the eye and lie. But, damn, I don't know what to say. I don't want people we know in every day life coming to our parties. Maybe i should stop having them. Does anyone have some experience with something like this?

People can be noisy and gossipy. Did you hire contractors to help with building the dungeon? How do you think someone found out? Could you be reading too much into it? It is lousy that you are going through that. I've been through it but I was a single young woman who obviously did well for herself. Neighbors speculated that I was a stripper. It wasn't comfortable, especially for someone who kept their home exceptionally well and minded their own business. Now that I am in my late 50's, people know about my career and videos. But, they don't care. It is so situational. I wish that there was good advice to offer, but it is different for everyone.

I don't even have a guess at how word got out. Any help I needed was done before the space started taking shape. We have at least 10 cars whenever there is a party. My wife is worried that they think we are swingers because we never invite personal friends or neighbors. It looks weird, for sure. For now we are gonna brush it off and see what happens. If it comes down to moving, it will be in the country with no neighbors. We both like where we live but not to the point of outing ourselves.

Don't give other people the power to make you and your partner feel any particular way. Make no apologies. You don't owe anyone one for who you are. The less you make of it, the faster it will blow over and be forgotten.

> Come to find out, the whole town knows. No one seems to fucking care.
> But, damn, I don't know what to say.

So... When this sort of thing popped up with me... and someone asked about it... I'd usually just say something like "eh... you know... just a couple of fun games my wife and I play to keep the ol' spark in the bedroom going. Nothing to worry about."

Don't move. No need to worry about it. 40 years ago this sort of stuff was pretty taboo. These days, its kinda normalized. Kinda. Depending on where you live I guess.

> wife is worried that they think we are swingers

I live in Houston, the 4th largest city in the USA (soon to surpass Chicago for 3rd place because of all the recent growth). Fun fact: there is like one goth dance club and one maybe two dungeons (not including private dungeons). But swingers clubs? Fuck there has to be at least a dozen I know about. Oh and apparently there is some all men's bathhouse somewhere (heard about it, never been). Lots of gay bars.