Domspeak Forums Discussions Lobby Crossing Hard Lines

Have you ever woke up and wondered what in the hell happened? I did a bi scene for my Goddess. I'm not about men at all. It was spontaneous. I SO wanted to please Her. I'm still not sure how to feel about it.

I The distinction between Hard :Limits and Soft Limits ia very important to me. A Domme I have grown to trust who wants to push limits can carefully push my Soft Limits but not my Hard Limits.

I've moved through comfort zones with my girlfriend, now wife. But, my hard limits are not up for grabs. Luckily, it stills leaves us with a lot of room for exploration.

Hard limits are critical for me. I session for 2 to 4 hours at a time. Once in deep subspace, I can't speak for myself. I need to know that I am with a Mistress who will respect the limits we've discussed. I've been fortunate to have mostly wonderful experiences. There was a Mistress who wanted to do strap on, which was a limit for me. She talked to me about it before and after session a few times. I respected that she didn't introduce this in the middle of a session where she could have asked to cut off my toes and I would have nodded yes. Eventually, I did agree. It was okay but not something I'd do again.

I've crossed hard limits for myself. In the beginning of my career, strap on was a hard limit. A few years later, a friend talked me into wearing one for a photo shoot. That was the end of that limit. I found that it was enjoyable to be on the giving end of strap on play.

It's pretty enjoyable being on the receiving end too !

Well, most of the time!

I resisted commenting on this, but here goes. This happened with a Mistress that I've known off and on for years. When we first met it was obvious the way she humped me (without a strap on) she loved pegging. At some point I told her that was off the table, since I had a bad experience with a strap on years before. Fast forward to recent years, she has been my one and only. I've ran errands, volunteered to do different types of tasks for her, etc. We know each other well. I'm a client, not lifestyle.

The Mistress began to invade my mouth in sessions with three, four fingers, watching me gag and laughing. I went into deep subspace. She then began to wear a strap on and had me worship it, a major hard line crossed. I began to gag on it and the Mistress laughed and laughed and, with emphasis, and began calling me a whore and worse all the time. I began to request worshiping her rubber dick because it got her so aroused and I loved to see that. But it still wasn't my thing. Then she was going on an extended trip, didn't know when I'd see her again. I surprised her and wore lip gloss for the session before she left. The Mistress used my mouth with abandon with me gagging, but I was getting used to it. She began laughing and the Mistress blurted out something I always suspected, but never wanted to admit to. "I'm not laughing WITH you I'm laughing AT you." That stung in the moment, and it stung more after the session. In the days following, the spell has been broken. My feelings about serving her has changed, almost completely. I'm a big boy, I acknowledge I allowed the Mistress to cross a hard line of mine. But, on the other hand, that Mistress has known me for years and encouraged me to cross that line for her entertainment, eventually laughing at me for doing so. Her treatment of me that day was far to real to be roleplay. No one is that good of an actor. As the old saying goes, "There's no fool like an old fool."

That is horrible for you. Respect is a two way street in BDSM. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt like that. Even in humiliation scenes, I always took the time to know what made my slave tick. I hope you moved on to a better situation.

I probably shouldn't comment on this as I don't have enough experience to know if my interpretation has relevance or validity.
If any of my assumptions or interpretations are off base, disregard this post.
But here goes...
I think she misread your reactions to her actions/words/laughter.
To me, the worshiping of a strap on indicates a sign of submission, a fetish, and/or a desire for humiliation.
It seems your incentive was different -- mostly getting pleasure from the fact that you gave her pleasure by submitting to that activity.
I suspect she believed humiliation was the driver, particularly since even after verbally putting you down, you still requested "worshiping her rubber dick."
So when you wore the lip gloss I suspect she felt it was an indication that you were seeking humiliation... and being laughed at is usually very humiliating.
I think her statement was an attempt to titillate, not hurt.
However, her being blind to your motive of just bringing her pleasure was overlooked with disastrous results.

Again, my comments are made in ignorance.
I don't know the personalities of participants nor of the details of the relationship.
Its just that, from your brief post, I get the feeling that a good relationship has been irretrievably compromised over a misunderstanding -- and that saddens me.

I think it's yet another example of the importance of clear communication. Two people playing at cross purposes and not being clear about motives can have unfortunate (and usually unintended) consequences. I can't help help wondering if that might possibly have happened here. If not, then it was clearly a betrayal of trust.

As to limits. Hard limits should be clearly expressed and outlined plainly so there is no misunderstanding. No Domme should ever try to push a sub in this area unless there has been a change clearly expressed pre session. "I don't like", I'm not into" and "I have no interest in" should all be taken onboard by the Domme.

"All's well that ends well," should be the title of this post. This is an update about "crossing hard lines" with my Mistress. Returning from her extended trip, the Mistress contacted me to move some things into her storage space and we spoke candidly. We cleared the air and she was kind, charming and friendly. Over the next couple of days I thought about what we discussed, talking about old times, her saying I was her best sub and I got an impulsive urge to have a full session with her right away. I called, got a hotel room and she was in a great mood, bringing a special outfit and equipment for the scene. Strangely I got cold feet an hour before the appointment, but went to pick her up. I always play the captured "Tarzan" or the addicted to kink (and Mistress) version of the character. This time I decided to change it up, becoming more submissive than ever. I began to show and describe to her about the jungle king's feminine side. Surprised, the Mistress immediately responded by becoming more dominant, demanding and... masculine. The scene was very intense, one of the best we ever had. Driving her home we again talked about some of our crazy "adventures" over the years, how we first met, etc.

Right before I got to her place the Mistress said she had something to say. I pulled over and told me she wanted to take a break from sessions for few months. Without getting into details, the reason is logical and it has nothing to do with me, something in her life changed. It has been a few days since that conversation and I'm not hurt or angry about this, actually I'm a bit relieved. I only have good thoughts and memories of our time together. But the old line about when you are thinking of quitting your job, you've already quit. I've been thinking about retiring for awhile, and this made me realized I'm now retired. It's been a great run and I have plenty of memories to recall about the Mistress, and other ladies I have served, and I feel fine.