Domspeak Forums Discussions Lobby How'd You Get So Freaky?

A conversation with a group of scene friends got interesting when someone floated the assumption that those of us into alternative and fetish play had been abused or experienced trauma as a child. Everyone got a quite for a minute. owas such an odd assumption to make. I dunno. That could be the case. It doesn't appear to be that way in the circles I travel in, I joke about my Catholic upbringing and having crushes on mean nuns. But most of the kids didn't like the harshness. I would have found my way into fetish without the nuns. It got my curiosity going. Were we born this way or made this way? If it is the latter, I've got thank you cards to send out. I love the lifestyle.

I was in my mid 40's when a girlfriend introduced me to it. Now I'm into it more than she is. It is all about fun for both of us.

Having seen countless clients and hanging out with a lot of scene folks, I have to say most people are wired from birth. There have been a handful of clients that had childhood abuse and want to relive it. While I have a great amount compassion for people in those shoes, it always made me uncomfortable and I avoided repeat sessions under those circumstances.

My older sister's friends would pin me down, tickle me, pull my hair and spit on me. I'd antagonize them on purpose after I caught on to the game. A few years down the line, they'd practice french kissing on me. I've been paying for that type of abuse ever since. I did see my mother get abused by my step dad. Real abuse. She pulled us out of that situation quickly. That is not something I'd want to relive. But, my sister's friends, oh yeah.

I definitely fall into the "hard wired" camp on this one! From my earliest sexual awakenings the idea of bondage, discipline and of women in boots and fur coats was instantly arousing. No abuse of any kind in my upbringing. In fact it was a stereotypical upper middle class suburban childhood in a nuclear family.

The only childhood factor that might remotely be connected is that my parents were relatively permissive and never used corporal punishment.....and my mother was stylish and often wore furs......... Classic Freud anyone? :grin: :D

Since I was 8, 9 years old and first noticed Jayne Mansfield, Anita Ekberg, and of course Marilyn. I always liked older women. Idolized them really, maybe because I was brought up by women - my mom and her sisters - and that didn't change much as I hit puberty. It sounds quaint but I was brought of up to be a gentleman, know all the manners, etc., etc. when dealing with members of the opposite sex by them. Separately the first time I heard or saw anything about BDSM was watching "Monty Python" via PBS when I was in high school, a bit of a sketch where a middle aged college professor goes to a woman's apartment and she's dressed in black leather boots, gloves and a corset, with a whip. "Who would want to be beat up by a woman?" was the innocent remark of me and a couple of friends the next day at school. Who indeed...

I was around 20 in the early 1970s of NYC, in college and horny one night, and I bought the evening paper and the legendary sex tabloid, Screw Magazine, for the first time. After all the stories of group sex, large B&W pics of mostly women having sex or naked, there was a classified ad section for escorts, and separately all the way in the back, Mistresses and Dominatrixes. The Mistress section caught my eye due to all the elaborate costuming, the threatening and sexy expressions of the ladies and the wide variety of women available. One had on black leather boots, gloves and a corset... no whip, but she had short blonde hair and she was busty, probably in her mid to late 40s. I couldn't stopped thinking about her. I didn't care about BDSM I just wanted to meet the woman, and finally I got the courage to call and at least speak to her. I called and spoke with the legendary Mistress Belle de Jour and she sounded as sexy as her picture in the ad. In a couple of days I came up with a shipwrecked sailor role play and home made thong made of rags and met Belle for my first session. I won't share the details but she gave me an education that day I won't soon forget. I either saw her, or Mistresses she recommended, off and on from the '70s until the early '90s.

The appeal of the scene to me was always about role play, kind of like acting class. Unlike some here, no real marks, bruises, etc. but the equipment, costuming of the Mistresses, the ad-lib dialogue, the chance to be in the same room - much less worship - such gorgeous women and have some of them give me the impression I was somewhat appealing has been staggering over the years. The seductiveness of the Mistresses, bringing me into their world and their web, has been overpowering. Many of the activities I do know I learned to like based on the trust I had with the ladies I served... and they trusted me. Since I passed 45 or so I've only sessioned with ladies 30s and above. Today few are my age or older... LOL! The 20 year old would be surprised what I like now and what I have experienced, but they are extensions of that first session or three with Belle.

Your attraction to women are similar to mine. When topping, what you describe is what gets me going. When, playing on the bottom, I like to change roles and be the older Mistress with a younger subbie girl.

I think I know what you mean. As I've gotten more mature, and really center on one under-the-radar Mistress who has known me for years, I've become more aggressive as a sub... never a switch with her. More of an exhibitionist with the Mistress and "groping," knowing it would generate a corporal response, a smart remark and a grin, all of which I love.

I am one of those that has been wired kinky from birth.

I can remember making little Roman slave costumes / togas when I was 4 or 5 years old.

I was in first grade screwing around with one of those kid dictionaries with big fonts and lots of cartoons and I saw the entry for 'shackles' with a little cartoon drawing for shackles and thought 'woah'. 6 year old me thought that was pretty hot - and I didn't really know what that meant.

I had no real idea about kink or sex or anything like that...

There was no abuse growing up. Just normal, boring, blue collar, suburban living in the 1970's and 1980's. The only abuse I was exposed to were the lame TV sitcoms of the day like Three's Company and Lavirne and Shirley. :P MASH was always pretty good tho. :D

Honestly for a long time I never even connect abuse growing up (or trauma as an adult) with kink until I was at a pony camp event. I remember being in full head to toe pony tack... Tail plug and everything... (minus the bit and bridle) and volunteering to be interviewed by a researcher of some kind for a book? Or a thesis or something she was working on?

All of her questions soon became very biased and leading. She didn't believe me when I said I didn't have any childhood abuse. She insisted I was lying or forgetting or something.

It became a weird interview.

Tristan, your "little Roman slave costumes" comment reminded me of a very early memory of mine in the scene. As a college kid my first Mistress was Belle De Jour. After my 2nd or 3rd session she allowed me to come to her apartment one morning and be her "Roman bath slave," preparing the bubble bath for her, removing her robe, bathing her, drying her off and then cleaning up the bathroom. When I was done she ordered me to help her get dressed. It was a unique privilege and a very... very hot experience. For my visit I made a "Roman slave" loincloth with old rags. Belle loved it. Great memory... thanks for posting.

Scooby mid 40s. That is interesting. Good for you being sexually adventurous

I don’t know if I was born this way but it started very young in infancy I truly think. I’m pretty certain it’s got to do with my relationship to my mother. My earliest memories are of crawling around on the floor at her feet.

I don't think I am freaky I don't think even that I am kinky. Except that the way I look at it everybody is, and it is more a matter of degree. This is one of the few times I disagree with you. I think that it can be something you learn, not necessarily be born with. I think that few mistresses are born, I think most of them are made. Why would men be different?

Yup, that’s me. Wired from birth. My first sexual thoughts were about being dominated. Happy, mentally healthy—but it’s erotic and fun as hell to tied up, dominated, teased, and hurt by a smart domme who loves what she does because it’s fun for her, too, to have willing victims to torment!

Great to see you here!

Great to see you, too, Cheyenne!

That describes a lot of us. A nun at my school made me put my palms up on my desk and slapped them with a ruler. That is when I knew I was different. Other kids felt so bad for me. Some of them offered me desserts from their lunches. I was too young to put the pieces together. But, what other kids hated, I loved.