Domspeak Forums Discussions Lobby The Cheating Debate

This is one that never seems to get old or not pop back up. I've been on both sides of the fence on it.

As a prodom: Most of my clients were great men. The married ones were devoted to their family. The option was to be cranky at home. Let's face it. Most kinksters need a release. Or, to push something onto their wife that she wasn't comfortable with. The attempt at honesty and permission could have resulted in the destruction of their marriage and family life. So, I've never judged a married man for sneaking off for a session.

As a wife: Somethings just needs a formal setting for the intimidation factor. It is difficult to have a traditional family lifestyle and get as freaky as your husband might need when there is a full moon. So, I supported my husband in seeing a professional dom here and there. My condition was that I know and trust her. After he died, I had to go through his emails and various correspondence to piece together tax returns and various aspects of estate planning. In that, I stumbled across emails and texts to a prodom that I had no idea about. Looking back, I could pick out the time frames and, even a couple of the days, he saw her. She was known for unsafe play and activities I would have never agreed to. It tore me up for a good while. We would have gotten through it. I would have worked with him to, at least, come close to the edge play he wanted. But, he wasn't there to talk to. Even if he was, the trust factor would have taken time.

End of the day, I still don't make judgements. But, I have seen it from both sides of the fence. I never like seeing prodoms judge married men. It isn't their job to do that.

What are your feelings on this?

My professional experience is limited to helping host foot parties. Most of the men there are probably married. I get that sense anyway. It doesn't cross my mind as being a concern because it isn't any of my business. They get play. I get pay. Everyone walks away happy. In my personal life, I'd have a problem with a partner lying to me. Once trust is broken, it is nearly impossible to regain. But, I don't carry that judgement into a paid gig. It isn't my place.

I know some people have firm opinions on one side or the other of this argument. Personally I think that it completely depends on the nature of the relation of the couple. There are couples that do everything together. There are other couples that see things completely differently. There are spouses who want to know and spouses who don't want to know. While I would have an opinion for every particular couple I know I do not think there is a one size fits all solution. I also think that you should not force your opinion on such a sensitive issue or judge the people thinking differently from you.

My fiance and I do everything together, including kink. She loves it. If anyone is doing the coaxing there, it is her. I have been curious about a one on one session in a formal setting. But, it would hurt her feelings. I'm not willing to risk our relationship. That being said, I'm a lucky man to have a lady that loves it all as much as I do.

Thanks for the share. Makes perfect sense.

100% agreed. Everyone should be comfortable with how they deliver or receive playtime.

You are a lucky guy. Did you get the in home dungeon finished?

Cheyenne you certainly have a great perspective on this as both a Pro Domme and a wife. I could easily write 10 pages on this topic. Reading your post I will be honest and say it has entered my mind that after I die my wife could go through my phone and find things I don’t want her to find. I think to myself I should close stuff out and clear stuff periodically but I’m healthy and lazy and feel I’ve got time but obviously you never know.

I don’t know but I would guess most clients of pro Dommes and other swers are married. I’ve been kinky as far back as I remember. Telling my wife was never an option for me. I feel some guilt about all the sessions I’ve had but i compartmentalise well. These desires are almost as strong in me now as when I was younger. Sometimes I think I shouldn’t have gotten married but my wife and I have done well, raised some amazing kids so on the whole it’s been great so no regrets.

I do think it’s very hypocritical for any Pro Domme or swer look down on or judge married men unless they screen out married men which I doubt very few if any do.

Thanks for the thoughtful response. I do believe it is a good idea not to leave anyway a spouse can find out in the event that something unexpected happens. The unanswered questions it could leave would be difficult on top of an already difficult time. I agree that it is hypocritical for someone to accept money from a married client and pass judgement. Most doms, don't. I have heard of a few, over the years, that won't see married man. But, that has been incredibly rare. My bottom line, is that as long as a man's first priority is his family, slipping away now and again for a session, is the best thing. It makes for a happier husband. And, obliviousness can be bliss.