Domspeak Forums Discussions Lobby Self-Discovery

In being part of this, MF and domina.ms I've often wondered, "What kind of a sub am I?" This year I took one of those online surveys and it came up, "You're a sub." No kidding! But I'm not lifestyle, not into heavy corporal or bondage, dress up, etc., etc. As I've gotten older I've been more of an exhibitionist, in a very limited way, with some Mistresses (and female bodybuilders) and done other activities revolving around my "sub Tarzan" roleplay that are unconventional or maybe unacceptable to some Mistresses. The sessions have been done at hotels, outdoors, the Mistresses' homes, not dungeons. I've been in deep subspace more than a few times.

With my longtime Mistress I've acted in a primal way, deepest subspace, and been called beast, slut, animal, ape and more in session. At first contact with a text or email to set up a session the anticipation races. So much so that by the time of session and we are alone I've done things - in combination or separately that are all legal - that I have never and would never do with any other Mistress. (Complete mutual trust is the key I guess.) The word describing me is feral, letting all inhibitions go. Among the definitions I have found that fit are: "when you feel sexual attraction and feel wild;" "a person who is not socialized. synonyms: wild man. types: ape-man;" or, in general, "existing in a wild or untamed state." It explains why, for a time, I turned to female bodybuilders. With Mistress, I'm feral. That's why I get slapped, spanked, hit and spit at so much, never giving an inch. I have no inhibitions in the feral state and love it.

Anyone else ever go through this self-discovery point, where you try to see how you fit in versus other subs?

This is a thought provoking topic. For me, I had never thought much about female domination or bdsm. Then, in my early 40's, I began dating a woman who is very much wired that way. I was already in love with her so anything she suggested, I was turned on by. Today, she is my wife. We have a custom built dungeon in the basement of our home. We have couple sessions with a professional at least once a year. It doesn't define our lives or relationship but plays a big part. The experiences I've shared with her have opened doors that I would have never thought of. I don't see myself submissive outside of erotic interaction. She wouldn't like it if I was. She likes the protection and strength of a man in daily life but a love struck puppy willing to do anything erotically. I thank my lucky stars for such a unique fit for the second phase of both of our lives.

When I was a young man trying to find my way in female domination, I explored traditional domination with bondage and light corporal. An attraction to assertive, beautiful women and a desire to worship their feet, legs and derriere drew me in. But, the dungeon style sessions weren't doing it for me. My initial response was to try harder to get into it. In time, I realized the difference between being submissive and masochistic. It was a sigh of relief when I realized the two need not go hand in hand.

Your escapes sound fascinating, by the way. I did sessions with a Mistress who liked to role play with me as a tiger she was training. I thought it was odd at first, but came to enjoy being her adoring tamed beast.

How do I fit in verses other subs? Good question. As we've talked about, I'm a switch. For me fetish play is about cathartic release, which comes with intense domestic role play. Other times, it is about light hearted fun. Some of the people in my fetish circles are fully submissive to their partner at all times. I've known couples who are very happy this way. That is great for them. For me, as I sense you do, I keep it in the emotional release or fun category.