Domspeak Forums Discussions Lobby Are You Submissive....

...or do you just like to play one on tv?

I'd estimate that 20% of my clients were and the other 80% just liked to play that way. Most of my clients were men who had a lot of responsibility throughout their day, mostly in their careers, and needed a release for that. The 20% were truly submissive but only to the right woman.

How is it for you?

I think I'd fall in the 80%.

I prefer at least the illusion of being "forced" into submission.....ie bondage to render me helpless and immediate discipline for failure to obey any instructions.

Being ordered to lick the soles of her boots isn't a turn on.....knowing if I refused I'll be punished with increasing intensity until I did is.

FWIW When I was in a longterm relationship that included BDSM the D/s aspect was strictly restricted to playtimes and time "in session" .

I am naturally submissive to women. I was raised primarily by my mother. My aunts and grandmother were a big part of our lives. I've always been in awe of beautiful strong women.

For me, it is only how it relates to an erotic experience. Like furfan, I like the illusion of being forced into submission. I adore and cater to my wife. You know what they say, "Happy wife. Happy life." But, we both do that for each other in every day life. In play time, be it the bedroom or a dungeon setting, she can be the boss of of me any time.

I'm in the 80% category, for most of my time in the scene. With one young domina (she was mid to late 20s and I was mid 40s) we would regularly switch in session depending upon the role play. I think it was the age difference, her relative inexperience and mutual trust.

While still in the 80% group, in the past dozen years or so, especially with my regular (and only) Mistress, I'd describe my behavior as "aggressively submissive" in session. By that I mean making smart remarks or jokes in the middle of play. Also pushing the envelope and touching the Mistress without permission. As she calls it, "groping." The result is usually slaps to my face, or several spanks on my posterior.

That is how most people are from my experience. I had a long term personal slave who was absolutely submissive. He began as a client and then started volunteering to help with various projects. He was one of my best friends but was always in slave mode. We eventually went different ways but have stayed in touch all of these years. Both of us will have fond memories of those years. That, I found, is the exception and not the norm.

Happy wife. Happy life. LOL. I love that.

In the early days of my career as a dom the talking back was affectionately referred to as a SAM...being smart ass male. :-)

Well Mistress, I've got a new name. Should I change from "jbeast" to "SAM" on this site. LOL!

It is nice to hear about true personal Dom/sub relationships. As a sub, they are are hard to find. Although I am a sub through and through, it has to be with the right person. I have that now. We are going on 3 years.

Fun topic! I like to play both sides depending on who I'm with at the time. When I bottom, the respect for my play partner continues but the D/s roles end with the interaction. I've known lifestyle couples who switch roles ever other month. Whatever the role, it would get old for me to stay in 24/7. In fact, it would suck a lot of the fun out of anticipated play time.

This is a complicated issue for me. I would say I am definitely 100% submissive in my sexuality. My base sexuality is the desire to submit to a dominant woman. My fantasies and desires are all suffering and humiliation at the hands of a dominant woman. While I am able to perform vanilla for me to be turned on sexually there has to be an aspect of Femdom to it. I have never had any desire at all to watch vanilla porn. These submissive and masochistic desires are hard wired into me.

Having said all this I have a “normal “ full life and am not submissive in any other part of my life which ironically causes conflict with my wife when we have different ideas about things.
I have thought a lot about all this and how I ended up where I am. Life has been very good outside of sexual fulfilment so no complaints but like I said it’s complicated.

While in session, I fall into subspace and deliver myself completely. While It is an important part of my life it is a once in a while craving. It gives me a well needed balance.

You are not alone in your position. Over the years, I found that most prodom clients are hard wired for kink when it comes to erotica and vanilla exchanges bore them. My late husband was the exception to that. If the activity involved attractive women, he was all in. I'd venture to say that hard wiring put him in the minority.

Whenever the topic of it being wrong for married men to session came up, I was of the opinion that getting the occasional freak on makes someone a better, happier husband. In the shoes of the wife, which I have been, I'd take my husband having he occasional session over pushing me to engage in activities I was uncomfortable with.

Mistress, I'm curious as to who said it was "wrong for married men to session"? Dominas? Submissives? Some who could be described on both sides of this? I never discussed this with any Mistress, and never spoke in person to any submissive about the topic. The only comment I'll make before reading your response is that I always assumed, or it was implied and unspoken by Mistresses and on sites like this, is that most regular clients were married. At least I thought it was the case, definitely, in the heyday of most of my sessions, the late '80s to the early '00s.

It was the occasional hot topic of conversation on MF and DominaMS for years. We can have it here. It would be a good discussion. I haven't started a thread on it only because I thought it was an old topic....but, it would be new here. So, maybe I should start a thread on it.

Oh, I’m truly submissive—but you’re right, only to the right woman or type of woman. Not just anyone. There has to be mutual respect, at the least. They can’t be bat-shit crazy—I came across a few dommes in my time who were. Not gonna submit to them. But I’ve been hard-wired this way since I had my first sexual thoughts at probably age 12. Before I ever saw femdom porn, I loved strong woman—girl bullies at school—female bodybuilders, etc. And then when I saw my first femdom porn pictures and read the stories, it was the only thing I wanted to see/read. I’d rip out the female domination articles/letters from Penthouse Variations and throw the rest away. I still have that collection!

In my busiest time the "bat-shit crazy" women - I won't call them Mistresses or Dominas - were from my time decades ago. Met in dungeons or spoke on the phone and those types of women were either in character all the time; high; or were mentally off. At least two, three times I met women who I was supposed to session with, quickly figured out something was wrong, paid part or all of the tribute and ran out of there. Not worth the risk.

Cheyenne for some reason that surprises me that most of your clients were similar to me in having little interest in vanilla although I guess it shouldn’t be surprising. Thinking back I don’t remember this topic being discussed on Max very much if at all and I’d think it’s a common theme or issue with subs, especially those of us who are married. The desire to combine submission with sex has not diminished at all in me. I don’t have opportunity to session very often anymore and I’m torn between wanting a harsh domination scene with an experienced ProDomme or something with an FS provider who combines it with dominance.

It is awesome that you still have the collection! I have numerous friends that love to submit but only with someone they have a connection with. As a dom, I needed a connection too. Once in a while I'd refer a would be client to a dom that seemed like a better fit for them. But, when the mutual energy is in place, it is a great ride.

It was the topic of whether or not it is cheating for a married man to secretively session that was discussed several times. But, that has been over the course of 20 years. Next week, I will fire up a thread on it. I tend to be an indulgent person. So, I say do both. Have a harsh session with an experienced prodom and a full service one with someone who can also be dominant as well. Life is short. We should all try to get in as much as possible.

Absolutely. I had that with Brianna. I still miss her. But, after she retired, I had another mistress refer me to one on a visit to New York. We have the most perfect chemistry and 14 years later I still see her every visit she makes to DC or every one I make to New York.

That is awesome that you found another dom you connect with. :-)