Domspeak Forums Discussions Lobby Pre-Session Communications

The other day I was talking to one of my long time clients and, to this day, close friends. Our first experience was such that I could tell he was very disappointed when he left. So, I reached out to talk to him about it the next day.

He had long followed my photos in the NYC publications and website. There were a lot of expectations. That was part of it. The other part that was missing was a failure in communication. Perhaps he was nervous when he was filling out the application form or...more likely...there was a better way. I asked him open ended questions and, basically, asked him toan share his feelings and experiences regarding femdom. He replied with a long and personal email. It was much better information than a box being checked off. We had a session the next week and it was magic. It continued to be that for a very long time and up until I retired from sessions. He retired from sessions too. He said he could never recapture the chemistry that we had. Fortunately, his live in girlfriend is open to kink. So, he gets to have fun.

After the failed first session, I discarded my application form. It was only open ended questions, including feelings and some subjective matters, after that. It worked well for me.

What have your pre-session experiences been like?

Mistress, I'm not going down memory lane to talk about the days of blind phone calls and answering print ads. I've seen, but never answered, application forms or the like. (It's been awhile since I've seen anyone new.)

My advice to any sub who reaches out to schedule a sessions is to do your homework: Does the Mistress & you have compatible interests? Can you afford the Mistress' tribute? Check her reviews on sites like these and social media. And if you do decide to contact her, and she asks you questions via email, text, etc. be brief, business-like and to the point. If you want a specific fetish or activity, ask. All she can say is no.

Anticipation of a session, either with a new Mistress or someone you've met before, should always be there. But make the appointment with your eyes wide open and all the info available that you are comfortable with. In my experience, in the rare instances when I didn't ask enough questions or provide enough info for the Mistress involved, those sessions were disappointments.

I like actual conversation over applications over forums. The need to screen out clients who aren't a good fit is understandable. I see why Dommes do that. It doesn't bother me to fill one out. I always request a live phone conversation before booking with someone new, even if I have to pay for it. Open communication has worked better for me than a punch list.

Email correspondence is better for me than the apps. JB brought up a good point in following the ladies social media profiles. I've had good luck so far.

I always like to talk in person with a play partner. The emotional connection is important. Pre screening is important too. But it doesn't replace a human connection.

I'd like to add that I realized a few years after I entered the scene fully, I was always thinking of my own well-being and safety when I visited an independent dominatrix in the '90s or so. Is she legit? Is it a set up? etc., etc. since there were few, if any reviews back then. I finally matured and said to myself, "This woman is allowing me to enter her place. I could be a cop... or an axe-murderer." After that realization I did do my homework on whomever I met, but the pre-session communications became more significant and meaningful. I never did have a problem. In the three or four times I felt uncomfortable I said something in effect, "I think I have to go," and left most or all of the tribute, leaving quickly.

If I didn't feel uncomfortable with the first session protocol, I'd politely walk away. Jbeast said it well. The Ladies are welcoming strangers into their home or place of business. They need to feel safe. I don't blame anyone of them for having the requirements they do. I just know what mine are as well.

As for communication after that has been established, I prefer an in person conversation. That can be formal with strict protocol or casual. I think it helps give her the tools She needs to understand her toy.

I agree. Communication is key. Open ended worked better for me to understand the sub's emotional goals.

I like your approach to sessions. From what I've seen you respect the domme's time. There are ladies who charge for a phone consultation. I never did but don't blame them. There are, as we would call them in the day, "Wankers," who soak up as much free presession time as they can with no intentions of ever showing up. When both parties approach with good intentions, it is usually a win/win.

That is a great attitude to have. Everyone has to feel comfortable and safe, that includes the ladies and their clients.

Agreed. I can understand that there is a certain mystery about formalities and starting in character from the beginning. Some of my clients preferred it that way. As the dominant, I like to understand as much as possible before taking on that role. It is easier for me let go and get lost in the fun of the moment.